Three Perspectives of Gratitude, Part 2

I love words. I like to learn from their etymologies. Every time I study a word’s etymology I gain new insights. Exploring the etymology of gratitude was no exception.

Etymology of Gratitude

Gratitude comes from the Latin word gratus, which means “agreeable, pleasing”. It’s related to the word gratia which means, “favor, esteem, regard; pleasing quality, good will” from which we get our word grace.  

Grace

Originally, grace was not a religious or theological word. It was a relationship word. To give grace to someone or to grace someone was "to show them good will, favor, or to pleasure them.” 

To “grace someone with our presence” was to pleasure and delight them with nothing more than our presence.  

To receive grace was to feel favored, pleased, and pleasure. The verbal response “gratia!” originally meant something like  “Oh, I like this! This feels really good!”

Gratis

Gratis is another word associated with gratitude. What do we use the word gratis to mean?  “For free”, “at no cost.” Originally, gratis meant to do something simply for the pleasure of giving pleasure to another person. What a wonderful thing to do.

Gratify

Another word associated with this group of words is gratify. It’s a verb. To gratify someone is to give them pleasure. Specifically, it means to give someone pleasure by relieving a desire or need that they could not relieve themselves.

Gratitude

Finally, just as all the words mentioned above had to do with pleasure, so gratitude was originally a specific kind of pleasure. It was the pleasure of having a need or desire relieved that we could not relieve ourself. 

Gratitude was our natural response to being gratified by another living being.

Examples of the Pleasure of Gratitude- the Relief of a Need or Desire We Cannot Relieve Our Self

- Our back itches, we cannot reach it, and someone scratches it for us

- Our shoulders are tied in knots with tension and someone massages them for us

- We’re sick and too weak to go grocery shopping and fix a meal for ourselves. We’re hungry and someone brings us food to eat.  We eat and feel our need for food relieved. It feels good and we smile.

- We have a flat tire, are unable to change to the spare tire ourself, and someone stops and does it for us.

- We’re lonely and desire some company and someone spends time with us.

Assessing the Pleasure of Gratitude

Unlike the cognitive-expressive perspectives of both psychology and religion, gratitude as a pleasure is holistic. It's a bio-psycho-social- spiritual experience. It feels good to have a need relieved that we cannot relieve for ourself.

In addition to being holistic, it is-

Natural. The pleasure we experience from a need relieved is natural. It is in-born. 

Spontaneous. It is a pleasure that we experience automatically. The relief feels so good. We do not have to generate it by cognitive reflection, journaling, or counting our blessings.

Authentic. It is not artificially produced.

Social. It requires two or more people: the one who gratifies and the one feels gratitude.

Practicing Gratitude 

All that is involved in practicing gratitude is letting others know that we have a need or desire that we cannot fulfill on our own, asking them to help us, receiving the help, and feeling the pleasure of having our need or desire fulfilled.

Practicing Gratifying Others

What do we need to do in order to gratify others and help them feel the pleasure of gratitude? We need to -

       Pay attention to those with whom we interact.

       Become aware of the needs and desires that they cannot relieve for themselves.

       Offer to help relieve their unmet need or desire.

       Relieve the need or desire when our offer is accepted.

Conclusion

I believe in both receiving the pleasure of gratitude and gratifying the needs and desires of others. I believe that both add value to our own and other's lives.