Jealousy of Spirit, Part 2

Mind-based and Experience-based Jealousy

Jealousy that is a response to our own self-talk and mental images is mind-based. For example, when we see from a distance or hear about some one interacting with someone we believe we own and have a special status with, and we form the opinion that our relationship is therefore threatened, then on the basis of our own self-talk our spirit rises up with jealousy. 

Jealousy that is a response to our in-the-world interactions with others is experience-based. For example, when we are present and see and hear for ourselves someone threatening our relationship with someone we believe is "ours", then the jealousy that rises within us is experience-based.

 

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Jealousy

At this time, on the basis of my own experience and observations, I believe that most, if not all, jealousy is life-denying. It's life-denying because it is based on a sense of ownership. The threatened relationship is with one we believe is "ours." The sense of ownership of another devalues and limits the life and spirit of the one we believe is "ours." Such ownership is life-denying.

However, I believe this matter needs more observation and study. I do not consider the mattered settled.

Jealousy Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

Like other emotions, jealousy suppressed tends to be life-denying. It harms the one who feels and suppresses it.

Mind-based jealousy is best addressed by recognizing, owning it as our own, and changing our own self-talk and mental images by attending to our in-the-world interactions.

Experience-based jealousy is best recognized, owned, and first expressed indirectly, to ourselves rather than directly to the others involved. We do well to examine our sense of ownership, privilege, and exclusivity.

Here is a question to ponder: Do we rightly own other humans, animals, plants, the earth, water, ideas, or anything else? Does our sense of ownership affirm or deny the other?

Depending on the relationship and circumstances, we might also do well to express our jealousy  directly with the others involved. However, I believe that such expression requires a high level of trust in the relationships and safety in the circumstances.

Jealousy of Spirit, Part 1

Jealousy Defined 

Jealousy is our spirit's response to another who threatens our relationship with what we believe is ours. Jealousy invloves both emotional attachment and a sense of ownership.

"What we believe is ours" could be a person, another animal, a plant, a stone we cherish, any thing we value, a place or activity.

The "relationship" could be familial, romantic, a friendship, business relationship ,one in which we either give or receive special attention. The relationship could be one in which we are the owner. Whatever the relationship, we tend to believe we have a special status and exclusive privilege in the relationship.

The "threat" to our relationship could be another person, another animal, a plant, a stone, any physical thing, a place, or activity that could take away what we believe is ours.

How Jealousy Feels

Jealousy can feel like anger, disappointment, sadness, or a mix of these emotions. It differs from these emotions in that it always involves at least three parties with one in the role of threatening an pre-existing relationship.

For example, a husband might believe that his wife "is his" exclusively. If he perceives that another person, thing, or activity is a threat to his exclusive privilege, he might feel jealous and take action against either his wife or the perceived threat.

 

Mild to Intense Jealousy

Jealous can range from a mild, manageable twinge to intense, uncontrollable outrage.

Acute and Chronic Jealousy

It can arise suddenly and dissipate as quickly as it arose when the threat disappears. It can also smolder for weeks, months, or years. Jealousy can even be the thumic norm for some.

9000 Page Views, Readers in 20 Countries!

Hello Dear Readers!

My blog just reached 200 posts and 9000 page views from readers in 20 different countries. One person has signed up to follow. Three readers have posted comments.

I just wanted to recognize reaching this point and thank you for reading.

Keep reading! We're just getting warmed up!

Thank you!

Mark

Gladness of Spirit, Part 2

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Gladness

Gladness is life-denying when it is a response to harming others. It is life-affirming when it is a response to whatever promotes and says, "Yes!" to life.

Gladness Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

Based on my experience and observations so far, it seems difficult to suppress gladness. It's difficult not to at least smile when we feel glad. However, there are times when we do well to hold our gladness in for a time and express it later.

Gladness felt in response to harming ourselves or others is disordered gladness. We do well to address it. In order to address it, we must first deepen our understanding of our spirit this particular disorder.

The ideal is to express our gladness directly, openly and honestly, as we feel it. However, there can be situations in which social norms bid us to express our gladness indirectly by sharing it with a trusted friend or confidante or writing it in our journal, for example.

Gladness, our spirit's response to pleasure, is a basic emotion commonly experienced. Even so,  it's an emotion about which we still have much to learn.

Gladness of Spirit, Part 1

Gladness Defined

Gladness is our spirit's response to what gives us and others pleasure. Feeling gladness is itself a pleasure.

How Gladness Feels

We can feel gladness in our heart, the center of our chest, as warmth and fullness. Our chest muscles relax. It might feel as if our heart is opening to receive whatever it is that gives us pleasure.

The warmth of our glad spirit can rise upward into our throat and sound out our smiling lips as an "Ooo!", "Ah!", "Yes!" or some other affirmation. 

It can color our cheeks, brighten our eyes, and make our face glow.

Mild to Intense, Acute and Chronic Gladness

Our gladness can range from mild to ecstatic euphoria.

It can arise suddenly in response to a surprise and dissipate as quickly.

It can also arise and remain. For some, gladness is their thumic norm.

Mind-based and Experience-based Gladness

When our gladness is a response to our own self-talk or mental images it is mind-based. Memories of pleasurable experiences in the past and fantasies of pleasures we would like to experience in the future are examples of mind-based gladness. 

Our gladness is also mind-based when we feel it in response to reading something we enjoy or listening to someone tell a pleasing story. These are examples of infectious gladness spread to us from another.

When our gladness is a response to our in-the-world experience it is experienced-based. For example, we might feel glad as we quench our thirst with a drink of fresh, cool spring water, taste our favorite food, smell bread baking or coffee brewing, see someone we love or hear their voice, view a scenic vista, listen to a bird's song, sink into a hot tub, snuggle in a warm blanket in front of a fire, hug, kiss, or make love. 

Part 2 will address life-denying and life-affirming gladness as well as gladness suppressed, addressed, and expressed

Anger of Spirit, Part 2

Mind-Based and Experience-Based Anger

Anger that is our spirit's response to our own self-talk and/or mental images is based in our mind. Mind-based anger arises, for example, when we form an opinion that another person's actions somehow wronged us. Often we form such opinions too quickly, making assumptions with inadequate information.

Anger that is experienced-based is our spirit's response to our in-the-world interactions with others that somehow threaten our life. For example, someone does us wrong for no apparent reason and our spirit responds with anger in order to protect ourselves and affirm the value of our life as well as the life of the offender.

Life-Denying and Life Affirming Anger

Generally speaking mind-based anger is life-denying. It is life-denying because it is our spirit's response to our own self-talk and mental images. However, it is inappropriately directed outwardly at a living being, place, thing, or event. It is incongruent. The frequent result is harm to both ourself and the other toward  whom we directed our anger.

Anger that is experienced-based tends to be life-affirming because it is our spirit's response to a genuine threat to and devaluing of our life. It is our natural way of defending ourselves because we value our life and that of others. It communicates clearly to the offender, "No! My life (spirit) is far too valuable for you to do that! And yours is far too valuable for me to allow you wrong me!" It inspires us to take appropriate protective action to end the threat.  

Anger is a healthy, appropriate emotion when it is experience-based and life-affirming.

Anger of Spirit, Part 1

How Anger Feels

We often feel anger as heat and tension in our chest. The heat can rise into our throat, face, eyes, and entire head. It can flush our face and eyes red with blood and heat. Our head can fill to the point of an aneurism with the heat of rage that rises from our heart. From our throat it might sound forth as a growl, yell, or wild, blood curdling scream.

Like other emotions, anger is a matter of that which makes us alive, our spirit. As such it is primarily a matter of thumology rather than psychology. 

Anger Defined

Anger is one of our spirit's responses to being wronged, mistreated, threatened, injured, or nearly killed.

When the well-being of our spirit is violated we do well to respond with anger. We do well to feel, express, and act on it. When we do, we defend and protect ourselves. When we suppress or internalize it, we misdirect it toward ourselves and do ourselves harm. 

From Low to High Intensity

Anger can range from low to high intensity. For example, our anger can range from feeling mildly annoyed all the way up to insanely enraged,

Acute and Chronic Anger

Acute anger can come on in a flash, for example, in response to an insult. It can dissipate as quickly with the reception of a genuine apology.

Chronic anger, bitterness, can smolder for months, years, and even a life-time.

Part 2 will explore mind-based and experience-based anger as well as life-denying and life-affirming anger.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 5

Summary

From the perspective of thumology, emotions are primarily responses of our spirit rather than our mind. They are our spirit's responses to experiences that either affirm or deny our spirit. We feel them in our heart, the center of our chest. They can be either acute or chronic, experience-based or mind-based, and life-affirming or life-denying. We can either suppress, address or express them.

As our knowledge of our spirit increases and our understanding of it deepens, we increase our options and opportunities to make wise choices that heal and strengthen our spirits in order to order to live in more life-affirming ways.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 4

Suppressing, Addressing, and Expressing Emotions

The ideal is to address our mind-based emotions and express our experience-based emotions. 

Suppressing our emotions on the basis of external, life-denying moral standards (Being angry is wrong. Feeling lust is wrong. It's wrong for a real man to express fear) is often harmful to our health and well-being. It denies our spirit and life. We do well to avoid suppressing our emotions. 

We do well to address mind-based emotions. We can address them by deliberating with our spirit, revising our self-talk and mental images, and thereby removing what our spirit is responding to.

For example, we can address mind-based fear by telling our spirit that its fear is a response to our own mind rather than our in-the-world experience. We can then change our self-talk and mental images to shift our spirit to a neutral or emotionally pleasurable response like contentment.  

We also do well to express our experienced-based emotions. We can express our experience-based emotions in two ways: directly and indirectly. Directly expressing our experience-based emotion is the better choice when doing so does not increase our risk of being harmed.

For example, when we can express our anger directly toward the one who wronged us at work, without putting ourself at risk of additional harm, we do well. However, when directly expressing our anger toward the one who wronged us puts us at risk of additional mistreatment, indirectly expressing our anger is the wiser choice.

We can express our anger and other emotions indirectly in a variety of helpful ways: consciously and deliberately choosing to forgive the offender, talking it out with someone we trust, journaling, writing a letter to the offender but not delivering it, and physical exercise are some examples of indirect emotional expression.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 3

Life-Denying and Life-Affirming Emotions

Generally speaking, mind-based emotions tend to be life-denying whereas experience-based emotions tend to be life-affirming. 

Mind-based emotions tend to be life-denying because they are incongruent. They are based on our self-talk and mental images but expressed outwardly in our interactions with others as if they were experienced-based. 

For example, mind-based anger expressed in our interactions with others frequently harms ourselves and others. It's life-denying because it inspires action against those with whom we interact even though they did nothing to prompt our anger. Our anger was mind-based, prompted by our own self-talk and mental images. 

Experience-based emotions, on the other hand, tend to be life-affirming because they are congruent. They are our natural, life-affirming, emotional responses to our in-the-world interactions with others. They inspire us to action that is an appropriate response to what we experience in our interactions with others.

For example, when someone mistreats and harms us we can respond with anger. Our anger inspires us to act by defending ourselves from the threat. Such anger affirms our own life as well as the life of the one who threatened us. It says, "My life is valuable and worth protecting. Your life is valuable and worth correcting."

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 2

Experience-Based and Mind-Based Emotions

The example previously, in Part One, about thinking a stick is a snake illustrates how our spirit does not distinguish between our actual, in-the-world interactions with other living beings and our mental self-talk and images. It responds to both in the same way.

Our emotions can be our spirit's responses to either our actual, in-the-world interactions with others or our own self-talk and mental images. Emotions felt in response to our actual, in-the-world interactions with others are experience-based. Emotions felt in response to our own self-talk and mental images are mind-based.

It's important to note that our self-talk can be influenced by the verbally or visually expressed self-talk and mental images of others. What others say and show to us can function as mental viruses when we allow them to infect us and become our own self-talk and mental images.

Part 3 will explore Life-Denying and Life-Affirming Emotions

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 1

Emotions Defined

Emotions are our spirit's responses to experiences that either affirm or deny it. 

For example, anger is our spirit's response to something that threatens it. So is fear. Joy is our spirit's response to something that affirms it.

Where We Feel Our Emotions

We feel our emotions, not in our mind or head, but lower down, in the center of our body: a circular area between our nipples that encompasses our breast bone. We often call this area our heart. Heart is a synonym for spirit. The Ancient Greeks named this area thumos. Romans called it spiritus, the origin of our word spirit. Our spirit is that which makes us alive.

From Low to High Intensity

Our emotions range in intensity from low to high. For example, gladness can range from a  mild pleasure to ecstasy. Anger can range from a minor irritation to rage.

Acute and Chronic Emotions

Our spirit's emotional response can be either acute and chronic. Our acute emotions arise suddenly and dissipate during a relatively short period of time. For example, we can see what we think is a snake, suddenly feel fear, realize it is a stick, and quickly feel relieved.

Our chronic emotions can arise suddenly or gradually and remain for a relatively long period of time. Some remain for the duration of our life. For example, after someone we love dies and we can feel sad and grieve for them for years.

Part 2 will explore experience-based and mind-based emotions

Sadness: A Spiritual Matter

Sadness is our spirit's response to our own or another's loss. 

It's unavoidable. We cannot go from our mother's womb to our own tomb without experiencing loss and sadness. It's a natural, normal, and appropriate response to loss.

The loss could be a death, an illness or injury, something we valued, the end of a relationship with someone we cared about, or any other kind of loss.

We often feel sadness in our chest. We might feel it as a heaviness, dull ache, or pain. We might speak of our heart feeling empty, wounded, or broken. Perhaps we've known of someone who "died of a broken heart."

Heart is synonymous with spirit. To die of a broken heart is to die due to the loss of what makes us alive, our spirit.

Since sadness has more to do with our thumos, our spirit, than our psyche and mind, it's more a thumological than psychological event.

Sadness can be acute, sudden, and relatively short-lived. It can also be chronic to the point of being the thumic norm of one's spirit.

As with other emotions, sadness can be either life-denying or life-affirming. Perhaps it's both.

Sadness is a weakening or ending of our spirit. As such it threatens or ends and therefore denies our life. However, it's also life-affirming because it expresses the value of life and affirms it. If we did not value life and its pleasures we would not feel sadness in response to its losses. 

So, when we experience loss, let's feel sad. Let's fully accept our sadness. But let us also find ways to cope and comfort ourselves lest our sadness significantly weaken our life or even end it. 

When we die of sadness, we put others at risk of the same.

Mutual Gratification

It is absolutely amazing that you are alive. Absolutely amazing.

Look at you! You are totally unique, one of a kind. Beyond rare. You happen one time. 

Never before was there a you. Never again will there be another you.

I value you. Your life. Your spirit, that which makes you alive.

Others do too.

Do you? Do you value your own life and your spirit that makes you alive?

Only you can live your unique, once-in-forever life. Only you can do you. 

Cut loose. Uninhibit yourself. Do you to the max.

You have unique abilities no one else has. No one else can do what only you can do.

We need you to be the best you you can be. We need you to fully become who you will become.

By being fully you you make the world better. You make us better.

Ignore those who do not get you. Dismiss those who appoint themselves your critics.

Give yourself generously, fully to your fans. They gratify you in return for gratifying them.

Mutual gratification: The pleasure that propels us into becoming who we are meant to become.

Guilt: A Spiritual Matter, Part 4

Life-Affirming Guilt

Life-affirming guilt preserves and sustains our spirit and life so that we can fulfill the life-affirming desires of our hearts. It is based in our immediate experience, instincts, and intuition.

It's about our present experience of our immediate past treatment of another living being. 

Life-affirming guilt is analogous to physical pain. The physical pain we feel when we touch fire tells us that fire is a threat to our life. Likewise, the acute guilt we feel after we mistreat, threaten, injure, or end the life of another living being tells us that such actions threaten the other's spirit and life. It re-enforces the value of the spirit and life of every living being.

Life-affirming guilt teaches us on the basis of our own experiences. It teaches us to avoid behaviors that threaten the life of others. 

The feeling of guilt in our spirit teaches us how not to behave so that we may live life-affirming lives in relation to to others.

We do well to recognize and banish life-denying, mind-based guilt. We do well to recognize and develop life-affirming, spirit-focused guilt. It sustains our life, re-enforces the value of life, and enables us to fulfill the life-affirming desires of our hearts.

Guilt: A Spiritual Matter, Part 3

Life-Denying Guilt Continued

Life-denying guilt hinders or spoils fulfilling the life-affirming desires of our hearts. It is mind-based. Our thoughts (self talk) and imaginings (mental images) informed by external moral standards provoke it.

Life-Denying Guilt As Preventative

Sometimes the mentally internalized, external moral standards prevent us from fulfilling the life-affirming desires our hearts by making us feel guilty before we do anything. We feel guilty for merely thinking about or imaging doing something life-affirming that might violate the standard. Such guilt can lead us to think less of ourselves and the value of our lives.

Life-Denying Guilt As Spoiler

At other times the mentally internalized moral standards make us feel guilty after we fulfill the natural, life-affirming desires of our hearts. We feel guilty after we fulfill life-affirming desires because the moral standards we have internalized, which are life-denying, tell us that fulfilling such desires is wrong. Such life-denying guilt spoils our life-affirming actions by giving us a bad conscious for commiting life-affirming in violation of the internalized life-denying standards.

Whether we feel life-denying guilt before or after we act, our spirit is diminished and we think less of ourselves.

The Past Orientation of Life-Denying Guilt

When we violate the mentally internalized moral standard, our feelings of guilt make us past-oriented. They are mind-based responses to the memories of what we did. 

We might replay the memories in our minds and repeatedly regret our actions and try to undo what we did. We might repeatedly confess, apologize, and vow to never do it again. We might ask to be forgiven in order to relieve us from feeling so guilty. As we do all of this, we live caught up in a memory and feelings of guilt rather than in what we're experiencing at the moment and living our lives now.

The problem is not what we did. The problem is the mentally internalized, life-denying, moral standard of those who would exercise power over us.

Guilt: A Spiritual Matter, Part 2

Life-Denying Guilt

Life-denying guilt can prevent us from fulfilling the life-affirming desires of our hearts. It can also give us a bad conscience for fulfilling such life-affirming desires as maintaining our health and well-being, enjoying life, living our life as we choose, and becoming who we are meant to become. 

It's mind-based.

It's guilt felt for thinking about or imagining something even before we've actually done it.

It arises from a mind-based response of not complying with a moral standard that is-

- Some one else's standard

- Externally imposed from childhood and throughout our lives

- Imposed by means of verbal, emotional, and physical coercion

- Mentally internalized

- Benefits those who want power over others

- Presented by those in power as being good for those on whom it is imposed

The mentally internalized message has us say to ourselves, "No, that's wrong! Don't do that. If you do that you're immoral."

For example, it has us believe that we are immoral when we-

- See the world differently than those who would exercise power over us

- Openly share our own unique views with others when those in power want us to be quiet

- Develop our own beliefs and practices based on our own experience rather than the beliefs and practices of those who would exercise power over us

- Stand up to and resist others who try to control us and limit our life and freedom.

- Decide for ourselves when we've been wronged, defend ourselves, fight back, or re-establish justice by revenge. Those who would exercise power over us would rather decide for us whether or not we have been wronged and, if we have, what to do with those who wronged us.

- Enjoy life-affirming sex in any way other than the way approved of by those who would exercise power over us.

- Say anything that might offend those who want to exercise power over us.

- Desire abundance for ourselves and those for whom we care. Those in power would have us be quiet, content with, and grateful for what we have even when we lack basic needs.

Part 3 will present more on life-denying guilt.

Guilt: A Spiritual Matter, Part 1

Like fear, guilt is an acute condition of our spirit. Guilt is real and plays an important role in our lives. We do well to develop rather than diminish our ability to feel guilty. 

Guilt indicates that we mistreated, threatened, injured, or ended the life of another living being. Since spirit is that which makes alive and guilt indicates that we harmed a living being, guilt is a matter of the spirit.

It is more a thumological rather than psychological event. 

While we do well to develop our ability to feel guilty, it is important to understand that there are two kinds of guilt: life-denying and life-affirming.

My next post will be about life-denying guilt.