Two Styles of Adapting to Changes

There are two basic styles of processing and adapting to changes in our life: emotive-verbal and cognitive-behavioral.

Emotive-Verbal (EV) Style

In the emotive-verbal style we process and adapt to changes by feeling and expressing our emotions and talking with others about them. We cover our face, groan, cry, yell, hit, walk away. We talk about what happened with family, friends, counselors, and therapists. We might also self-medicate or take pharmaceutical prescriptions to help us manage our emotions. We think about and do the things we need to do, but primarily we emote and talk our way through our process of adaption to the change.

Cognitive-Behavioral (CB) Style

In the cognitive-behavioral style we process and adapt to changes by thinking about what we need to do to adapt to the change and doing it. We feel emotions in response to the change, but we process and adapt to the change by thinking and doing. We identify the various tasks the change made necessary and complete the tasks. We take care of financial, legal, and other business matters, take care of and fix material things, go where we need to go, and see who we need to see in order to adapt to the change.


Both Styles are Valid and Effective

Both styles of processing and adapting are effective and valid. We all do both in varying degrees as we adapt to changes. We have to.

Both styles have their advantages and disadvantages. Those of the emotive-verbal style are good at connecting with others and receiving the support they need. They often need help with identifying and completing the tasks they need to do adapt. Those of the cognitive-behavioral style are good at getting things done that need to be done to adapt to the change. They often need help with identifying and expressing their emotional responses to changes in their life.

It is common for those of the emotive-verbal style to misjudge those of the cognitive-behavioral style as being cold-hearted, uncaring, and unloving. Those of the cognitive-behavioral style feel their emotions too. They just do not process and adapt by expressing their emotion and talking with others about the change they are adapting to.

It is equally common for those of the cognitive-behavioral style to misjudge those of the emotive-verbal style as being overly emotional and wallowing in their feelings. Those of the emotive-verbal style also think and do. They just do not process and adapt to change by thinking and doing. They process and adapt by emoting and talking with others.

What Is Your Style?

It is helpful to identify our style of processing and adapting. It can also be helpful to identify the styles of others processing and adapting to the same change. Doing so helps all of us process and adapt in more caring, constructive and effective ways.

Living Your Life Makes You Sweat

Physical action isn't enough.

Living the life that you know in your heart

is yours to live, takes emotional, mental, and social labor.

It's like playing a game. The objective is to win at 

living your life until you die.

Playing makes you sweat.

You have to deal with your fears and frustrations,

make your moves,

celebrate your successes,

solve your problems,

connect with your allies,

and maneuver through obstacles.

Play hard. Make your moves.

Adapt. Celebrate. Take breaks.

Most important of all,

remember it's a game.

Take risks and have fun.

Living Your Life Takes Courage

I'm Blogging Again!

So, it has been about a year and a half since my last post. During that time, I made my way through some of life's difficult challenges. 

Two Job Position Eliminations

For the second time in my 10 year career with one of our nation's premier hospices, my position was eliminated.

Creating My Own Position

Between those two position eliminations, I had the rare opportunity of envisioning, creating, proposing, and implementing my own position as the Clinical Director of Counseling Services. With the position I named my salary, picked my team, and designed and implemented a very innovative way of providing bereavement, music therapy, chaplain, and complementary and alternative medicine services. 

Even though many strongly opposed the innovative change I led, our patient and client evaluation scores were well above the national average in the areas we served. We also saw an increase in accessing our services.

The Director of Counseling Services was the second position I was in that was eliminated.

Foundation Work

I must have done something right. I was offered and accepted a position with our newly formed Foundation. I had the opportunity to help raise money for the hospice services I was so passionate about. After six months with the Foundation, I resigned and ended my ten and a half year career with hospice. It was simply time for me to move forward with my life's work: revisionsing spirit and everything related to it, writing about it, educating about it, and caring for clients. 

Legal Separation and Engagement

During the same period of time my marriage of thirty-six years ended and I met the love of my life. Now we're engaged. I'm happier than I've been since I was a little boy.

Writing

In the midst of the above mentioned difficult challenges, I continued to work on the first book that this blog led me to. My plan is to have it published by the end of this year.

My thoughts and practices regarding spirit have developed significantly since I wrote posts for this blog. Now it's time to start blogging again.

Purpose of My Blog

I promise you this, you will not be board reading my blog. You will get to think thoughts and experience things you never have before.

To allude to the introduction of my first book: The purpose of this blog is to disturb you. It's not for everyone, just the courageous few.

  

Be Mindful of Spirit

Anything that changes is animated. 

Anything that is animated is alive. 

Anything that is alive is spirited.

The agent of change, animation, and life is spirit.

To be mindful of change, animation, and life is to be mindful of spirit.

Pay attention not to the present moment but to the flow of change. Be mindful of spirit.

Take delight in your own spirit and that of others.

Be amazed that we are alive and that what animates one animates all. 

May we never take it for granted.

May we affirm the spirit in all.

 

Being vs Becoming

Being is unchanging, unmoving, permanent, eternal, and now.

Being is beyond, supernatural.

It just is.

It's a mental concept, imaginary.

Those who believe in and value being

resist life and change.

They want to "be." They want eternity.

Spirit is invisible, non-sensible to them.

They close their eyes and seek to ascend, to transcend.

They seek escape from this world of becoming and change.

Becoming is changing, moving, temporary, mortal, and alive. 

Becoming is what is happening here and now.

It's natural, sensual, and experiential.

It's real.

Those who are and value becoming

embrace living and celebrate change.

Spirit is visible and sensed in all things by them.

They live seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting, and 

knowing without knowing how they know.

They love, give birth, grow, mature, decline, die, and decompose

to be reborn again. 

This is home to them, this mystery here.

"Spirituality of Transcendence or Transformation of Spirit? Part 2

This is a continuation of yesterday's post.

On the other hand, life-affirming spiritualities tend to speak the language of transformation.  If life-denying spiritualities are vertical, life-affirming spiritualities are horizontal. They are about the spirit-driven organic growth, change, and development of all living beings. They are about nurturing and promoting the ongoing circle of life of all living beings. Life-affirming spiritualities of transformation are about boldly living our ever-changing lives in this world rather than trying to escape into a higher, non-physical realm. 

For those of us living life-affirming spiritualities of transformation, this planet, this world, this universe with all of its seen and unseen changing realms is our home. We are both in and of this world rather than in but not of it.

Since this is our home we tend to take better care of it than those who are just visiting to learn a lesson before they ascend back to their true home.