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Emotions: Choose Well

Spiritual Healing, Part One

Defining Spirit

As I mentioned in my previous post, for the next few months, I’ll be writing about spiritual healing. However, it’s very likely that what I write about spiritual healing is not what comes to your mind with the words “spiritual healing.” So that you can better understand what I write I’ll define my terms as I go. Let’s begin with “spirit.”

I do not use the word spirit to refer to anything metaphysical, religious, or psychological. I base my description of spirit on the Homeric word thumos and define it as “that which makes alive.” It is the difference between being alive or not. It is principle of life in all living things. Spirit is the same in all living things, not different in or unique in us humans.

Spirit, Mind, Soul

Spirit is not to be conflated or confused with soul or mind. Soul and mind are associated with having an ego, personality, and mentality. Ancient Greeks believed the human psyche (soul, mind) survived death and went to Hades, the underworld realm of the dead. Whether or not all living things have a soul or mind is beyond the scope of this blog. What is important here is the distinction between spirit and mind or soul. 

Spirit is more primitive than soul and mind. It is simply that which makes alive, the difference between being alive or dead. For example, if an oak tree is alive rather than dead, it has spirit. Whether or not is has a soul or mind is a different matter. The same is true for all living things visible to us, from the very simple to the most complex. If there are goddesses and gods and other beings invisible to us, spirit is what makes them alive too.

Spirit: Quasi-physical, Natural

Spirit is quasi-physical, neither metaphysical nor psychological. It is associated with the wind, our breath, lungs, and heart.

We humans can feel it in the center of our chest, between our nipples, and behind our breast bone. Sometimes we feel it expand upward into our throat and downward into our solar plexus,  genitals, and rectum. Sometimes our spirit is low and we feel tired or weak. At other times our spirit is high and we feel energized and strong.

We can sense it in others. Some have sweet spirits; some have mean spirits. Some we recognize as having great spirits: Alexander the Great, Caesar Augustus, Catherine the Great. When some enter a room we feel their spirit fill the room. We even recognize that some children have their parent’s spirit: “She has her dad’s spirit.” “He has his mom’s spirit.”

That which makes us alive, spirit, is in and of this world rather than other-worldly. It is natural, not supernatural.

Disappointment of Spirit, Part 1

Disappointment Defined

Disappointment is our spirit's response to being deprived of that which it desires. It is desire denied.

It presupposes desire. No desire, no disappointment.

How Disappointment Feels

We can feel disappointment in the center of our chest, our heart. It can feel like a dull ache or heaviness of heart. If desire lifts our spirit, disappointment brings it down. It sinks downward into our stomach and pulls our facial affect with it. It can cause us to cave inward and lean forward with drooping shoulders.

Disappointment of spirit can lead to sadness or anger of spirit.

Disappointment from Mild to Intense

Disappointment can range from very mild to very intense. It seems that the degree of our disappointment depends on the degree of our desire and the manner of its denial. However, it would be helpful to have some research to confirm this hunch.

Acute and Chronic Disappointment

My observations lead me to conclude that most disappointments are acute. Feelings of disappointment arise the instant we know our desire has been denied.

However, when our desire is for a basic life-affirming need and it is chronically denied, our disappointment of spirit can also be chronic.

Mind-based and Experience-based Disappointment

When our disappointment  is our response to our own self-talk and mental images it is mind-based. As is often the case with mind-based emotions, we conjure up disappointment for ourselves apart from our actual in-the-world experiences. When our in-the-world experience contradicts our self-talk and mental images, we do well to let our disappointment go.

When our disappointment is a response to our in-the-world experiences, it is experience-based. Our desire has been denied. We then do well to examine what happened. How was our desire denied? Was it because of our own inaction or ineffective action or someone else's? Is there something we can do differently that would help us fulfill our desire or not? If our desire cannot be fulfilled, how can we best care for our disappointed spirit?

Part 2 will discuss life-denying and life-affirming as well as suppressed, addressed, and expressed disappointment. 

Desire of Spirit, Part 2

Mind-based and Experience-based Desire

Desire of spirit that is aroused by our own self-talk and mental images is mind-based. Daydreams and fantasies about things we want, people we want to be with, and things we want to do are familiar examples of mental images that can arouse desire.

Desire of spirit aroused by our own natural needs or in-the-world interactions are experience-based. Hunger for food, water, freedom, safety, self-determination, companionship, love, sexual pleasure, authentic interactions with others, giving to others, and making a meaningful difference in the world are examples of experience-based desire.

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Desire

Desires that hinder our own or others' efforts to become who we are meant to become, desires that injure or kill are life-denying.

Desires that promote, sustain, heal, and strengthen the living are life-affirming.

Yes, there are times when we must deny the life of another in order to sustain or protect our own life and the lives of family, friends, and others who are dear to us. Indeed, every life is sustained by the death of others. 

Desire Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

When the life-affirming desires of our hearts are suppressed by ourselves or others our life is denied and devalued. Some indigenous peoples, like the Iroquois, believe on the basis of generations of experience that desires denied are the main cause of disease. I think this notion is worth exploring further.

Not all our the desires of our spirit are life-affirming. Some are disordered and life-denying. These we do well to address. I think we have much work to do in learning more about disordered desires and how best to address them.

Ideally, life-affirming desires are best expressed directly and fulfilled. Fulfilling them affirms our own life and that of others. However, there are times, given unhealthy social mores, that we can suffer negative consequence for expressing directly our desires and taking action to fulfill them. We do well to find ways of expressing such desires indirectly. 

As with other matters related to our spirit, we have much to explore and learn about how best to indirectly express the life-affirming desires of our hearts.

Gratitude of Spirit, Part 2

Mind-based and Experience-based Gratitude

The popular "attitude of gratitude" movement is mind-based. It's based on what we tell ourselves and our own mental images. However, this does not diminish the fact that we can still feel the emotion of gratitude in response to our self-talk and mental images. We can.

Experience-based gratitude is our spirit's response to our in-the-world interactions with others who meet our needs and fulfill our desires that we cannot do for ourselves. Again, it's our spirit's response to having an itch on our back scratched, a flat tire changed, a bill paid, a meal provided, an organ donated, CPR provided, or any other need met that we could not meet for ourselves.

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Gratitude

It is difficult for me to imagine instances of either mind-based or experience-based gratitude that are life-denying. At this time it seems to me that both  kinds of gratitude affirm our own life and the lives of others. However, the matter is not settled. I believe more observation and research is warranted.

Gratitude Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

While I cannot imagine instances when feelings of gratitude would need to be address due to being life-denying, perhaps there are times when social  mores dictate that we suppress  or indirectly express our gratitude. In my opinion, the more open, honest and free our expressions of gratitude, the better. 

In my view, a world with more gratitude is a better world.

Gratitude of Spirit, Part 1

Gratitude Defined

Currently a riot of voices hawks in all available media resources the benefits of the attitude of gratitude. So enthusiastic is the hawking that it might be difficult to hear a different voice offering a different perspective of gratitude.

The popular perspective hawked in media is a psychological one. It's a theme of Positive Psychology. As such it is mind-based; that is, it is based on our self-talk and mental images. 

The  perspective I offer here is spirit-centered. In my view, our emotions are characteristics of our spirit (that which makes alive) rather than our minds (our cognitive function). So, gratitude as an emotion rather than an attitude is primarily a thumological rather than psychological concern.

How Gratitude Feels

Gratitude radiates as warmth outward from the center of our chest, our heart. It is our spirit's full-bodied pleasure of a desire fulfilled and a need relieved that we could not fulfill for ourselves. 

The desire fulfilled could be as simple as an itch on our back that we could not scratch ourselves that someone scratched for us and relieved the need. It could be a flat tire changed, a bill paid, a meal provided, an organ donated, CPR provided, or any other need met that we could not meet for ourselves.

Gratitude is our spirit's response of relief due to the fact that it continues to be in us, giving us life.

Gratitude of spirit can inspire a sigh of relief, tears of heart-felt gladness, a beaming smile, a happy dance, hugs, and verbal expressions of "Thank you!", "Thank you so much!", "You saved my life!", or "How can I ever repay you!" 

Mild to Intense Gratitude

Depending on the desire fulfilled and need met, our gratitude can range from being mild to intense. Our spirit's response to having an itch scratched might well be milder in comparison to being revived by CPR.

Acute and Chronic Gratitude

Our gratitude can arise immediately, even as our need is being met. It can also dissipate as quickly if something unpleasant intervenes. 

With a heighten awareness of how much we depend on a multitude of interconnected living beings to sustain our lives, it is at least possible for us to experience an ongoing feeling of gratitude.

Part 2 will discuss mind- and experience-based, acute and chronic, and life-denying and life-affirming gratitude

Jealousy of Spirit, Part 2

Mind-based and Experience-based Jealousy

Jealousy that is a response to our own self-talk and mental images is mind-based. For example, when we see from a distance or hear about some one interacting with someone we believe we own and have a special status with, and we form the opinion that our relationship is therefore threatened, then on the basis of our own self-talk our spirit rises up with jealousy. 

Jealousy that is a response to our in-the-world interactions with others is experience-based. For example, when we are present and see and hear for ourselves someone threatening our relationship with someone we believe is "ours", then the jealousy that rises within us is experience-based.

 

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Jealousy

At this time, on the basis of my own experience and observations, I believe that most, if not all, jealousy is life-denying. It's life-denying because it is based on a sense of ownership. The threatened relationship is with one we believe is "ours." The sense of ownership of another devalues and limits the life and spirit of the one we believe is "ours." Such ownership is life-denying.

However, I believe this matter needs more observation and study. I do not consider the mattered settled.

Jealousy Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

Like other emotions, jealousy suppressed tends to be life-denying. It harms the one who feels and suppresses it.

Mind-based jealousy is best addressed by recognizing, owning it as our own, and changing our own self-talk and mental images by attending to our in-the-world interactions.

Experience-based jealousy is best recognized, owned, and first expressed indirectly, to ourselves rather than directly to the others involved. We do well to examine our sense of ownership, privilege, and exclusivity.

Here is a question to ponder: Do we rightly own other humans, animals, plants, the earth, water, ideas, or anything else? Does our sense of ownership affirm or deny the other?

Depending on the relationship and circumstances, we might also do well to express our jealousy  directly with the others involved. However, I believe that such expression requires a high level of trust in the relationships and safety in the circumstances.

Jealousy of Spirit, Part 1

Jealousy Defined 

Jealousy is our spirit's response to another who threatens our relationship with what we believe is ours. Jealousy invloves both emotional attachment and a sense of ownership.

"What we believe is ours" could be a person, another animal, a plant, a stone we cherish, any thing we value, a place or activity.

The "relationship" could be familial, romantic, a friendship, business relationship ,one in which we either give or receive special attention. The relationship could be one in which we are the owner. Whatever the relationship, we tend to believe we have a special status and exclusive privilege in the relationship.

The "threat" to our relationship could be another person, another animal, a plant, a stone, any physical thing, a place, or activity that could take away what we believe is ours.

How Jealousy Feels

Jealousy can feel like anger, disappointment, sadness, or a mix of these emotions. It differs from these emotions in that it always involves at least three parties with one in the role of threatening an pre-existing relationship.

For example, a husband might believe that his wife "is his" exclusively. If he perceives that another person, thing, or activity is a threat to his exclusive privilege, he might feel jealous and take action against either his wife or the perceived threat.

 

Mild to Intense Jealousy

Jealous can range from a mild, manageable twinge to intense, uncontrollable outrage.

Acute and Chronic Jealousy

It can arise suddenly and dissipate as quickly as it arose when the threat disappears. It can also smolder for weeks, months, or years. Jealousy can even be the thumic norm for some.

Gladness of Spirit, Part 2

Life-denying and Life-Affirming Gladness

Gladness is life-denying when it is a response to harming others. It is life-affirming when it is a response to whatever promotes and says, "Yes!" to life.

Gladness Suppressed, Addressed, Expressed (Directly and Indirectly)

Based on my experience and observations so far, it seems difficult to suppress gladness. It's difficult not to at least smile when we feel glad. However, there are times when we do well to hold our gladness in for a time and express it later.

Gladness felt in response to harming ourselves or others is disordered gladness. We do well to address it. In order to address it, we must first deepen our understanding of our spirit this particular disorder.

The ideal is to express our gladness directly, openly and honestly, as we feel it. However, there can be situations in which social norms bid us to express our gladness indirectly by sharing it with a trusted friend or confidante or writing it in our journal, for example.

Gladness, our spirit's response to pleasure, is a basic emotion commonly experienced. Even so,  it's an emotion about which we still have much to learn.

Gladness of Spirit, Part 1

Gladness Defined

Gladness is our spirit's response to what gives us and others pleasure. Feeling gladness is itself a pleasure.

How Gladness Feels

We can feel gladness in our heart, the center of our chest, as warmth and fullness. Our chest muscles relax. It might feel as if our heart is opening to receive whatever it is that gives us pleasure.

The warmth of our glad spirit can rise upward into our throat and sound out our smiling lips as an "Ooo!", "Ah!", "Yes!" or some other affirmation. 

It can color our cheeks, brighten our eyes, and make our face glow.

Mild to Intense, Acute and Chronic Gladness

Our gladness can range from mild to ecstatic euphoria.

It can arise suddenly in response to a surprise and dissipate as quickly.

It can also arise and remain. For some, gladness is their thumic norm.

Mind-based and Experience-based Gladness

When our gladness is a response to our own self-talk or mental images it is mind-based. Memories of pleasurable experiences in the past and fantasies of pleasures we would like to experience in the future are examples of mind-based gladness. 

Our gladness is also mind-based when we feel it in response to reading something we enjoy or listening to someone tell a pleasing story. These are examples of infectious gladness spread to us from another.

When our gladness is a response to our in-the-world experience it is experienced-based. For example, we might feel glad as we quench our thirst with a drink of fresh, cool spring water, taste our favorite food, smell bread baking or coffee brewing, see someone we love or hear their voice, view a scenic vista, listen to a bird's song, sink into a hot tub, snuggle in a warm blanket in front of a fire, hug, kiss, or make love. 

Part 2 will address life-denying and life-affirming gladness as well as gladness suppressed, addressed, and expressed

Anger of Spirit, Part 1

How Anger Feels

We often feel anger as heat and tension in our chest. The heat can rise into our throat, face, eyes, and entire head. It can flush our face and eyes red with blood and heat. Our head can fill to the point of an aneurism with the heat of rage that rises from our heart. From our throat it might sound forth as a growl, yell, or wild, blood curdling scream.

Like other emotions, anger is a matter of that which makes us alive, our spirit. As such it is primarily a matter of thumology rather than psychology. 

Anger Defined

Anger is one of our spirit's responses to being wronged, mistreated, threatened, injured, or nearly killed.

When the well-being of our spirit is violated we do well to respond with anger. We do well to feel, express, and act on it. When we do, we defend and protect ourselves. When we suppress or internalize it, we misdirect it toward ourselves and do ourselves harm. 

From Low to High Intensity

Anger can range from low to high intensity. For example, our anger can range from feeling mildly annoyed all the way up to insanely enraged,

Acute and Chronic Anger

Acute anger can come on in a flash, for example, in response to an insult. It can dissipate as quickly with the reception of a genuine apology.

Chronic anger, bitterness, can smolder for months, years, and even a life-time.

Part 2 will explore mind-based and experience-based anger as well as life-denying and life-affirming anger.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 5

Summary

From the perspective of thumology, emotions are primarily responses of our spirit rather than our mind. They are our spirit's responses to experiences that either affirm or deny our spirit. We feel them in our heart, the center of our chest. They can be either acute or chronic, experience-based or mind-based, and life-affirming or life-denying. We can either suppress, address or express them.

As our knowledge of our spirit increases and our understanding of it deepens, we increase our options and opportunities to make wise choices that heal and strengthen our spirits in order to order to live in more life-affirming ways.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 4

Suppressing, Addressing, and Expressing Emotions

The ideal is to address our mind-based emotions and express our experience-based emotions. 

Suppressing our emotions on the basis of external, life-denying moral standards (Being angry is wrong. Feeling lust is wrong. It's wrong for a real man to express fear) is often harmful to our health and well-being. It denies our spirit and life. We do well to avoid suppressing our emotions. 

We do well to address mind-based emotions. We can address them by deliberating with our spirit, revising our self-talk and mental images, and thereby removing what our spirit is responding to.

For example, we can address mind-based fear by telling our spirit that its fear is a response to our own mind rather than our in-the-world experience. We can then change our self-talk and mental images to shift our spirit to a neutral or emotionally pleasurable response like contentment.  

We also do well to express our experienced-based emotions. We can express our experience-based emotions in two ways: directly and indirectly. Directly expressing our experience-based emotion is the better choice when doing so does not increase our risk of being harmed.

For example, when we can express our anger directly toward the one who wronged us at work, without putting ourself at risk of additional harm, we do well. However, when directly expressing our anger toward the one who wronged us puts us at risk of additional mistreatment, indirectly expressing our anger is the wiser choice.

We can express our anger and other emotions indirectly in a variety of helpful ways: consciously and deliberately choosing to forgive the offender, talking it out with someone we trust, journaling, writing a letter to the offender but not delivering it, and physical exercise are some examples of indirect emotional expression.

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 3

Life-Denying and Life-Affirming Emotions

Generally speaking, mind-based emotions tend to be life-denying whereas experience-based emotions tend to be life-affirming. 

Mind-based emotions tend to be life-denying because they are incongruent. They are based on our self-talk and mental images but expressed outwardly in our interactions with others as if they were experienced-based. 

For example, mind-based anger expressed in our interactions with others frequently harms ourselves and others. It's life-denying because it inspires action against those with whom we interact even though they did nothing to prompt our anger. Our anger was mind-based, prompted by our own self-talk and mental images. 

Experience-based emotions, on the other hand, tend to be life-affirming because they are congruent. They are our natural, life-affirming, emotional responses to our in-the-world interactions with others. They inspire us to action that is an appropriate response to what we experience in our interactions with others.

For example, when someone mistreats and harms us we can respond with anger. Our anger inspires us to act by defending ourselves from the threat. Such anger affirms our own life as well as the life of the one who threatened us. It says, "My life is valuable and worth protecting. Your life is valuable and worth correcting."

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 2

Experience-Based and Mind-Based Emotions

The example previously, in Part One, about thinking a stick is a snake illustrates how our spirit does not distinguish between our actual, in-the-world interactions with other living beings and our mental self-talk and images. It responds to both in the same way.

Our emotions can be our spirit's responses to either our actual, in-the-world interactions with others or our own self-talk and mental images. Emotions felt in response to our actual, in-the-world interactions with others are experience-based. Emotions felt in response to our own self-talk and mental images are mind-based.

It's important to note that our self-talk can be influenced by the verbally or visually expressed self-talk and mental images of others. What others say and show to us can function as mental viruses when we allow them to infect us and become our own self-talk and mental images.

Part 3 will explore Life-Denying and Life-Affirming Emotions

Emotions: A Thumological Perspective, Part 1

Emotions Defined

Emotions are our spirit's responses to experiences that either affirm or deny it. 

For example, anger is our spirit's response to something that threatens it. So is fear. Joy is our spirit's response to something that affirms it.

Where We Feel Our Emotions

We feel our emotions, not in our mind or head, but lower down, in the center of our body: a circular area between our nipples that encompasses our breast bone. We often call this area our heart. Heart is a synonym for spirit. The Ancient Greeks named this area thumos. Romans called it spiritus, the origin of our word spirit. Our spirit is that which makes us alive.

From Low to High Intensity

Our emotions range in intensity from low to high. For example, gladness can range from a  mild pleasure to ecstasy. Anger can range from a minor irritation to rage.

Acute and Chronic Emotions

Our spirit's emotional response can be either acute and chronic. Our acute emotions arise suddenly and dissipate during a relatively short period of time. For example, we can see what we think is a snake, suddenly feel fear, realize it is a stick, and quickly feel relieved.

Our chronic emotions can arise suddenly or gradually and remain for a relatively long period of time. Some remain for the duration of our life. For example, after someone we love dies and we can feel sad and grieve for them for years.

Part 2 will explore experience-based and mind-based emotions

Guilt: A Spiritual Matter, Part 1

Like fear, guilt is an acute condition of our spirit. Guilt is real and plays an important role in our lives. We do well to develop rather than diminish our ability to feel guilty. 

Guilt indicates that we mistreated, threatened, injured, or ended the life of another living being. Since spirit is that which makes alive and guilt indicates that we harmed a living being, guilt is a matter of the spirit.

It is more a thumological rather than psychological event. 

While we do well to develop our ability to feel guilty, it is important to understand that there are two kinds of guilt: life-denying and life-affirming.

My next post will be about life-denying guilt.

Emotions: Up-stirrings of Our Spirit

Etymology of Emotion

To understand our emotions it can be helpful to explore the etymology of the word:

Our word "emotion" comes from Old French emouvoir "stir up" which comes from Latin emovere "move out, remove, agitate." Emovere is the sum of ex- "out" + movere "to move." 

The image of emotion is of something being stirred up and moving outward rather than inward, upward, downward or any other direction. 

The first recorded use of "emotion" to refer to a strong inner feeling was in the 1650s. It was used to refer to any inner feeling by 1808..

In other words, "emotion" originally referred  to external movements and stirrings and was applied metaphorically to the inner up stirrings we now call our emotions. Its metaphorical use is relatively recent and modern.

What is Stirred Up and Moves Outward?

So, what exactly is moved and stirred up when we feel emotions?

Is it our mind that is stirred up? I don't think so. What gets stirred up in our mind is our thoughts. 

Is it our body that is stirred up? I don't think so because we can experience the up stirring we call emotions and remain motionless. 

I think it's our spirit, that which makes us alive. Our spirit is stirred up, moved, or agitated and moves from within us outward to be expressed in our words and physical movements.    

Stimuli of Our Spirit

What stirs up our spirit? I suggest that our spirit responds to stimuli that either affirm or deny it. 

Stimuli that affirm our spirit support and sustain our spirit, our aliveness. We welcome such stimuli and call such stirrings joy, happiness, gratitude, excitement, fear, guilt, and sorrow. When we feel such stirrings we feel more alive, more spirited.

Stimuli that deny our spirit suppress and threaten our spirit, our aliveness. We resist such stimuli and call such stirrings fear, anger, sadness, guilt, loneliness, and despair. When we feel such stirrings we feel less alive, less spirited.

So, in my view our emotions are less about our minds and psychology and more about our spirits and thumology.

Contra "Mind-Body" Duality

The Mind-Body View

In our current Western scientific view of being human, we put everything about our body in the physical sciences folder and everything not about our body in the psychological sciences folder. We have only two folders: one for body, another for mind.  It's a crude, simplistic system.

Questioning the Mind-Body View

One problem with this view is that we associate everything in the psychological sciences folder with "mind." When we look closer at everything associated with "mind" questions arise: Is associating our spirit with our mind the best way to view either our spirit or our mind? Is associating our instincts, desires, drives, and emotions with our mind the best way to view them? Is all of our self-talk limited to our mind?

My answer to all of these questions is "no." 

Proposing a New View

I propose a third folder: one for spirit. Everything about our spirit goes into the thumological sciences folder.

And what might go in the thumological folder? Everything associated with spirit, that which makes alive: our spirit itself; our instincts, desires and drives (to live, associate, eat, drink, have sex, reproduce, nurture, protect); our emotions that fuel and express our desires and drives (fear, anger, sadness, joy, guilt and others); and our self-talk directed at these things.    

 

Some Benefits of the New View

I believe this three-folder view makes possible a more elegant and refined view of what it means to be human. It affirms our spirit and helps us see our instincts, drives, desires, emotions, and  some of our self-talk in a new light, the light of our spirit. It also helps us see how our spirit relates to both our body and our mind.  

In upcoming posts, I'll say more about how our instincts, desires, drives, emotions, and some of our self-talk are matter of our spirit.