Healing Is...

Shedding What No Longer Serves...

Time Doesn't Heal, But...

You're Already Healing...

Where Healing Begins...

Sex, Religion, Politics: What My Elders Taught Me

The divisiveness among us in general, and this election cycle in particular, have inspired me to reconsider what my elders taught me: It's best to avoid three topics for polite and civil public conversations: sex, religion, and politics. I believe their wisdom was based on generations of actually experiencing the harm that such conversations, when had in public, can have on us and our relationships with each other. 

Public conversations on these topics rarely, if ever, change the behaviors, beliefs, or opinions of those who engage in them. If anything, they promote the hardening of positions and harming of relationships. They tend to dehumanize and divide rather than unite us.

I believe your opinions and beliefs concerning sex, religion, and politics are none of my business. Why would I care about them? If I did care, I would speak with you in private about them, not in a public setting. 

My opinions and beliefs concerning sex, religion, and politics are none of your business. Why would you care about them? If you do, speak with me in private about them.

Your opinions of my opinions and beliefs are also none of my business. Again, I do not care. Why should I? 

I do care about you and our relationship. I do care if you threaten or harm me or those I love and care about. Otherwise, I'm not here to live according to your expectations or hopes for me. Neither are you here to live according to mine. 

I also care very much about our freedom to live our lives, with no harm to others, as we so choose. And I care about our freedom to express our beliefs and opinions, whatever they are. Just don't expect me to give a damn about your expressed beliefs and opinions. I might or might not give a damn. 

When it comes to elections, I don't care about what you have to say about who you're for and against, unless I ask you in private. I care about what the politicians have to say to all of us. And I care about their record. 

You have no sway on how I vote, except when your public behavior and words tell me something about the kind of folks your candidate attracts. 

I wonder why candidates do not care more about what their own constituents say and do in public. 

So, I've decided to take to heart the wisdom of my elders. I'm going private with my opinions about sex, religion, and politics. From now on, I consider your opinions on these topics private too. They're none of my business. If you expose them, I'll pretend I didn't see them and move on...

Because I care more about you and our relationship than I do about your opinions and beliefs regarding sex, religion, and politics. 

14 Things Excellent Therapists Do for You, Part One

We all need and benefit from therapists when we're dealing with challenges that are greater than we can deal with on our own. There is no shame in seeing a therapist. 

Too often we delay seeing a therapist and thereby prolong our suffering and delay our healing. Our delay not only harms us, it harms those who care about us. I know this from both my professional and personal experiences. 

Whether we need a physical therapist, occupational therapist, psychotherapist, or some other kind of therapist, we need our therapists to be excellent therapists. 

The following list is not exhaustive. However, it does list fourteen things I believe excellent therapists do.

Excellent therapists-

1. Give you a safe, confidential place in which to talk about what is important to you.

2. Attend to, serve, and take care of you while you're doing your healing work.

3. Listen to you and make sure that you know they are listening.

4. Empathize: see from your perspective and feel your feelings with you.

5. Validate your feelings and comfort you.

6. Reflect back to you what you express in order to help you better understand yourself and your experiences.

7. Help you make informed, constructive decisions about how to make your way forward.

Part Two of 14 Things Excellent Therapists Do for You will complete the list.

What do you think of the list so far? Would you add or remove anything from the first seven items on my list?