A Thumotic Perspective on Delayed Development to Adulthood, Part 3

Immature Ways of Sustaining Your Life

Immature ways are ways you used to get what you needed when you were a child and dependent on your parents. They include passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive ways of manipulating others to give you what you need.

Passive ways of getting what you need include-

• Crying, pouting
• Begging
• Feigning sickness
• Hiding
• Denying the problem
• Hoping things will change on their own
• Inaction
• Avoiding
• Playing victim: needy, overwhelmed, helpless, ignorant
• Procrastinating
• Sadness, depression
• Self-medicating, addiction
• Homelessness

Aggressive ways of getting what you need include

• Screaming
• Having a temper tantrum
• Blaming
• Bullying, intimidating
• Inflicting violence: throwing things, shoving, hitting
• Committing crimes: stealing

Passive/aggressive are indirect attacks designed to get what you need. They include-

• Emotional manipulation: provoking guilt, pity, concern
• Becoming too tired or overwhelmed to do for yourself
• Becoming physically ill
• Having accidents that injure you
• Becoming too depressed or anxious to do for yourself
• Waiting until a need is urgent before asking for help
• Agreeing to do something, then not doing it: procrastinating, forgetting, claiming you had to do something else instead, doing it part way, doing it poorly
• Ignoring, not listening
• Isolating from those who care about you
• Not answering communication, the silent treatment
• Getting arrested so you can go to prison and be supported

Immature ways might work in the short term. However, they keep you delayed and immature. They keep you out of synch with yourself and society. They sustain your spirit’s emotional responses to your delayed development. And they damage your relationships.