Two Styles of Adapting to Changes

There are two basic styles of processing and adapting to changes in our life: emotive-verbal and cognitive-behavioral.

Emotive-Verbal (EV) Style

In the emotive-verbal style we process and adapt to changes by feeling and expressing our emotions and talking with others about them. We cover our face, groan, cry, yell, hit, walk away. We talk about what happened with family, friends, counselors, and therapists. We might also self-medicate or take pharmaceutical prescriptions to help us manage our emotions. We think about and do the things we need to do, but primarily we emote and talk our way through our process of adaption to the change.

Cognitive-Behavioral (CB) Style

In the cognitive-behavioral style we process and adapt to changes by thinking about what we need to do to adapt to the change and doing it. We feel emotions in response to the change, but we process and adapt to the change by thinking and doing. We identify the various tasks the change made necessary and complete the tasks. We take care of financial, legal, and other business matters, take care of and fix material things, go where we need to go, and see who we need to see in order to adapt to the change.


Both Styles are Valid and Effective

Both styles of processing and adapting are effective and valid. We all do both in varying degrees as we adapt to changes. We have to.

Both styles have their advantages and disadvantages. Those of the emotive-verbal style are good at connecting with others and receiving the support they need. They often need help with identifying and completing the tasks they need to do adapt. Those of the cognitive-behavioral style are good at getting things done that need to be done to adapt to the change. They often need help with identifying and expressing their emotional responses to changes in their life.

It is common for those of the emotive-verbal style to misjudge those of the cognitive-behavioral style as being cold-hearted, uncaring, and unloving. Those of the cognitive-behavioral style feel their emotions too. They just do not process and adapt by expressing their emotion and talking with others about the change they are adapting to.

It is equally common for those of the cognitive-behavioral style to misjudge those of the emotive-verbal style as being overly emotional and wallowing in their feelings. Those of the emotive-verbal style also think and do. They just do not process and adapt to change by thinking and doing. They process and adapt by emoting and talking with others.

What Is Your Style?

It is helpful to identify our style of processing and adapting. It can also be helpful to identify the styles of others processing and adapting to the same change. Doing so helps all of us process and adapt in more caring, constructive and effective ways.